'Bella's dying...' I'm pretty sure, right then and there, my heart broke in two. I climbed the ladder from my work station, went and got our signout and asked if she could call the supervisor to let him know I had to leave, right now. Thankfully, my supervisor understood and let me leave right away - excused. I drove home, bawling my eyes out, and just thinking. I had called my barn owner before I left my job to see if I could bury Bella at the barn - we live in a trailer court and not allowed to bury on the property. Honestly, cremation never even crossed my mind. I picked a spot, below a shade tree, and far enough away from the water and my dad and brother helped dig her final resting place. I tried to help, but as clumsy as I am, I almost fell in a couple times. (Whoops!)
I know some people will say - well, it was just a dog. Maybe to you, but definitely not to me. She was my heart, my world, my sunshine, my rainbow on a rainy day, and occasionally my teddy bear when she knew I needed her. As goofy as she was (I can't tell you how many times she bounced her head off the floor while sneezing...lol), she's been there since my sophomore year in high school. God, I miss her so. I went through a list of all the things I'll never do, again, because she's gone. But, instead of doing that more - because there's at least a hundred things, I'm left with this thought.
Maybe she knew it was time to go, maybe she didn't. But that last night I was graced with her presence in my life, I wouldn't let her on my bed because she hadn't received her flea meds, yet, and I had just washed all my bedding. Somewhere, in the middle of the night, she wiggled her way (like she usually did) onto my bed and cuddled up right beside me. When I woke up that morning, she was right there, right beside me, her head on my blanket and I kissed her between her eyes, at the least I know she knew she was abundantly loved and cherished. As much as I miss her, as much as I'm heartbroken over the loss, and as big of a Bella-dog sized chasm there is in my life, now, I know she's no longer in pain, she doesn't have to suffer anymore vet visits (that was the worst thing ever in her eyes and I didn't blame her, I don't like going to doctor's either), and she won't have to take that final ride to the vet's office to be put down.
So, baby girl, I know you're looking down, drool slopping from your jowls, your whole body wagging, and playing with your favorite pair of sweats and, maybe, just maybe that cow. I can't wait to see youor wagging body, again, one of these days. Love you to the end of the world and back again. Miss you. <3
